I'm not one for making my private thoughts public- it's quite uncomfortable, but I've realized that sometimes sharing hard things can be healing.

This devotion is SO for me today!!
I have been dwelling on different therapies and such for Zayne and Noah this summer, knowing that, if I'm not careful, I could overwhelm us all! There is always this dooming feeling that your racing against this short window of time to get them all the help they need so that they can reach their fullest potential. I believe that comes from all the reading you do early on. There is such an emphasis on getting the most amount of therapies as soon as possible for the BEST outcome. Who doesn't want the best outcome? Everything says push them out of their comfort zone. Expose them to everything you can. So for me, things tend to stops becoming "for fun" and everything becomes "potentially life-changing or therapeutic". Swim lessons, a sport-because that would be good for his social skills, learning to work as a team, taking turns and dealing with taking a loss from time to time. Music lessons (have you heard all the benefits playing piano does for the brain?) Equine therapy would be beneficial in so many areas, speech, OT, PT, a reading tutor, social skills training because let's face it, they have autism and talking and expressing is a challenge around here. Aba therapy is an actual possibility now but the nearest one is 45 minutes away, but I'm willing to do it if it means "the best outcome". Also the possibility of art classes for Zayne could be in the works. It's exhausting. It's great to be intentional but maybe there is such a thing as being over-intentional? Obviously there's not enough time (or money) for them all. Zayne and Noah are just 2 out of the 5 of us. I still have Nathan, Drew and myself to think about. It doesn't take long to start feeling overwhelmed!
So Lord, I'm praying that you would help me sort out what's important and what's not. What needs to be done now and what does not. Help me to focus my attention on You. Lay the sticky notes and the checklists aside for the moment and trust that You've got this and I'm not left on my own. They are YOUR children and if it's important to me as their earthy parent, how much more important it's got to be to you, their Heavenly Father. You want the best for them just as we do.

Prayer Journal

Lately I have been doing something that has taken my prayer life to a whole new level... A prayer journal. 

I find it very easy to express myself through writing. The words and thoughts just flow out of me and onto the paper. 

I truely believe it has strengthen my relationship with the Lord. There hasn't been a night when the tears aren't flowing down my face.  

 To me its a sacred time. I can't wait to read through it one day and see what the Lord has done! How he is going to take those heartfelt words on paper and turn them into a testimony.

 During this special time It's just God, me, the dog(ha!)soft lighting, and candlelight. No tv. I alway wait until after the kiddos have gone to bed. Whatever is conducive to a good writing environment for you. I always play my favorite praise and worship songs and there is just something about having that worship music on. It is a very important element to my journal time. 

If you are feeling like you'd like to go deeper in your prayer life,  try a prayer journal. I can't recommend it enough. 
  

Blessings,

enough already

May I quickly share something on my heart that I've been thinking about tonight?

Usually what you speak of a child is what they become, so be careful how you speak about your children. If you call Susie a spoiled brat, don't be surprised if she becomes one. If you don't want Johnny to be a menace, then don't tell him he is one. If you want confident children then stop telling them all the things they are not, and start telling them the wonderful things that they are.

        xo,

Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

Noah needed a new pair of shoes, so I turned to one of my favorite places to shop (amazon) to see what I could find. I have been wanting to get the boys a pair of keens for a while now so I figured this was as good of time as any. I was excited to see that they had some pairs about twenty-five dollars less than the original price. He wanted blue (that is his favorite color) but that particular pair was about twenty plus dollars more, so I easily convinced him that an "awesome fire engine red!" pair would be equally as cool. He was happy with that! He has been asking each day if they had come in yet, and I told him I expected it to be tomorrow, but to my surprise, they arrived tonight! He absolutely loves them! And they are a perfect fit. Score! I was a little nervous about buying shoes online since he could not try them on before hand, but I have read that these shoes are pretty true to size, so I gave it a shot. He wore them until bedtime so they must be pretty comfortable.
I love this about children, that when something so ordinary as receiving a new pair of shoes, is "the best day of his life"! Kids have such a wonderful zest for life, don't they? I wish I could record all of the cute, sweet little things that he says. He is always saying something that makes me laugh or smile.

Mother's Day 2015

I had a great Mother's Day this year! Drew had to work, but he left work long enough to bring me a Starbucks coffee in bed. He knows how important my coffee is so I thought it was incredibly sweet of him! He also gave me my gift which was a Starbucks mug, two edible chocolate straws, two nice candles, and a sweet card. I always love his cards! I have watched this man pick out a greetings card. He is quite meticulous about it and he doesn't pick one until he thinks its just right and fitting, so I know whatever the card says, he's truly saying it from his heart.

Nathan made me a sweet little card. Homemade cards rock! He also told me numerous times throughout the day, "Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!"

Zayne made a cute little painted mason jar vase at school and a card. I can't wait to pick some wild flowers to put in it!

Noah colored a cute little card that said mom, and gave me a little flower pot with a close up picture of his face. Planted in it was grass which is supposed to be his hair. Too cute!

That's one thing I love about elementary school,  all the cute little holiday crafts.

 

After lunch, we drove out to Millwood to spend some time with my mom and also for my cousin Courtney's sweet 16 party! I'm blown away that she is 16! I remember the day she was born.

Time flies!

The boys, along with their cousin's Lily and Emma had a really fun time riding on a handmade boat built by Mr. Mullis, the girls papa. Chelsea played so hard with them and they enjoyed it so much! The kids hung their feet off the boat while Chelsea was in the pond. They would each take turns throwing her a plastic cup and make her swim for it. Each time they would throw, they would move their little legs and splash. Nathan was able to drive the boat back to the dock. He really liked that.

                                                          

 After we left there, I picked Drew up from home, and we met his mom and dad at the cemetery where Drew's Nana is buried. This was Nana's first Mother's Day in heaven so it was bitter sweet to say the least. Afterwards, we ate dinner at their house.

I hope that whatever you did for Mother's Day, you felt loved and appreciated. But if by chance your day did not go as well as you had hoped or planned, just know that the ultimate Father was shining down with so much love and adoration for you. He see's all of the hard work you put in to caring for your babes. He's see's every boo boo kissed, every tear wiped away, all the late night's your stay up worrying about your child, every good moment and hard moment and everything in between. Older Mom's, you may no longer be kissing away the boo boo's, but you are still painstakingly doing for your children. Praying fervently for them. Worries for them do not cease with age. He sees. He knows. He cares. He smiles down and knows that He created a masterpiece when He created MOTHERS.

Isn't there something just so special about the bond of motherhood? No matter what type of mother you are, it is a day when we are all on common ground.

Blessings,

Monday ramblings...

While we were sleeping...

Gotta love waking up to this! I was not too happy about picking up each of these gross, chewed up, pieces of yuck off the ground. Luckily we had some gloves.

That's a stray cat for you.

All I can say is I cannot wait until we get our second trash bucket! By mid week we are almost always to the brim with trash, and by the time trash day rolls around, well, it's just plain embarrassing!

Happy Monday everyone!

 I will leave you with this insightful text my dad wrote me this morning..."Have a great day honoring God in everything you do. It's the little things we do over a lifetime that add up to be a lot so don't grow weary in well doing".

Goodness I love him! He is always writing something to encourage me. Even thought I'm no longer his "little girl", he still does everything he can to help me grow in my relationship with our Heavenly Father. I'm so thankful for a dad like that.


Blessings,

Another post about how God uses motherhood to change me for the better. (Warning: I did not proof and wrote this on my phone so it's probably going to sound like a hot mess!)

  So Zayne has had a very hard time transitioning back into having homework again since returning back from Christmas break. Before break he was doing well but each day this week have ended with either none of it completed or only partially. Thankfully he has an amazing teacher that is so understanding and helps any way she can. We have tried it early in the day and later in the day but no time is a good time for Zayne. He completely shuts down and either laughs and tries to be silly, or becomes so exhausted that he almost falls asleep at the table. And that's just after the FIRST question!! Last night was really bad. We tried everything that normal parents do when a child is not behaving as they should, he even ended up with 2 little spankings (which we hardly EVER have to come down to that, but that just tells you how bad this was getting). He just balled louder and still could not even complete one problem. (Keep in mind that one of the biggest challenges autistic kids face is transitioning, especially when they are transitioning into something they DO NOT ENJOY.) So finally we said, out of desperation and resources, to eat dinner and go on to bed and when he woke up, he could finish it then. It was only around 6:30pm at this point. He was so distraught and let's face it, WE were distraught. I know, I know, not our finest parenting moment but there is so much truth to the old saying desperate times call for desperate measures! He refused dinner and went into his room and sobbed in his bed. I couldn't stand it. I knew that there was more to this than just simple defiance. He wasn't trying to give us a hard time, he was having a hard time. I went to his room, laid close to him, and softly asked him if he wanted to pray to Jesus to help him with this. He said yes, so he, with a determined look on his face, repeated a little prayer after me. With his eyes closed, we prayed that God would help him not be so upset about homework. He made sure to repeat every word of the prayer that I said. After the prayer he was still upset but not as much. Then I remembered Drew needed to go to Lowes. I asked Zayne "hey, how would you like to go to Lowes and look at the toilets"? (Because with Z, a trip to Lowes is never complete without a trip down the toliet isle). He softly replied, "yes". I said "I tell you what, you complete your homework without tears and we will go look at every single toilet that Lowes has to offer. And you can show me your favorite toilet and I'll show you mine." Then I asked him which toilets he preferred, and said, "I like the toilet with the flusher on top"). "Cool Zayne". Then I said "so, do we have a deal"? And he said, "yes". Then he went to get up and said, "I'm chillwe" so I asked him, "how would you like to do your homework by the fire tonight?" (that's what he calls the electric fireplace in our bedroom, he LOVES "the fire"!!!) he excitedly said, "yeah!" So sitting by the fire he and Drew raced through all of his homework and he got ALL the problems right faster than I've ever seen. Let me just say he can do 3 numbered addition problems in his head faster than I can! LOL 

   Little did I know when I was saying that prayer with him, I was really praying for myself because it took me changing my way of thinking to get through to him. Sometimes we pray for others to change when its really ourselves that need to be changed. I was praying for Zayne to change his behavior but God reminded me that sometimes I have to change my behavior in order to sync with the needs and uniqueness of my special child. It takes love, prayer, creativity, out of the box thinking, lots of encouragement, and much patience to figure out this complicated world he has to deal with. 

  So, we went to Lowes and not only did we see every toliet but we also had to see all the lights, doors, refrigerators, bathtubs, kitchen cabinets, and anything else that you can install in a house. He hated to leave, he had many opinions about some of them, and he ooooowed and ahhhhhhhed over lots of them! 

  One of the greatest, most difficult things I've ever had to do is be a mom. But oh what a great blessing it is! While we are raising and growing our children, God is also raising and growing us. 

With love,

The battlefield called life.

Ephesians 6: 10-12
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiled of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

I was listening to Jimmy Evans this morning and something he said really made an impact on me.
 He said, "The devil wants your mind, he wants your body, he wants your marriage, he wants your children, he wants your family, he wants your destiny. he wants everything you've got. And if you don't fight him for it, you will lose."

 The devil aims so many things our way. Sickness, depression, pain, hurt, jealously, idleness, discontentment, bitterness,  hatred. The list goes on and on. All of these things can be destructive to our lives. Poison to our very soul. Without the protection of armor, then we are destined to die. But thank God he doesn't leave us to fend for ourselves! He provides us with the protection we need to get through the battle. It may be a hard battle, dodging bullets from every angle. Its not an easy fight. But the devil can't penetrate what is not exposed. So make sure your fully covered. When the fight is over,  the Lord will say,  you have won the battle! Well done my faithful servant!

picture source



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Sacred Parenting

I'm re-reading Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. Already I'm getting more out of it that I missed the first time. Like Gary Thomas states, 'this is not a "how to" parenting book that teaches you how to discipline and raise your kids, but more like how God uses our kids to change us.'

 I don't know about you but having children has changed me. It has definitely exposed some raw layers about myself that I never knew existed. And just to warn you, its not always a pleasant sight!  Sometimes it's just easier to push it back down, below the surface. Pretend they do not exist. But God already knows. He said to give it ALL to Him.  How can we give ourselves fully to the Lord?  How can we give our children the best us possible? How can we navigate the mission field nay battlefield of parenting (and life in general!) if we're not willing to peel off the layers that hold us back? Sometimes it is our own selves that stand in the way of what is and what is meant to be. I know when I try and do it alone, I am harshly reminded that if I parent these children that God has so graciously gifted us, by myself, in my own strength, I will fail. Miserablely.  I must FULLY rely on God! Only He can give me the strength I need to win the race. Realizing that raising children is a divine calling, a special mission specifically given to us, by God, motivates me to not just do it, but do it well. And with the right attitude. 

So does that mean that we'll be the perfect parents? By no means. If perfection could be achieved then we wouldn't need a Savior. But this kind of reliance on God is what drives the "die to self" attitude and  motivates us to pick up the pieces and try again and again. 

There will be challenges everyday. Everyday the negative voices inside your head, the ones that provoke you to throw your hands in the air and admit defeat, will try and press its way through. But guess what? You don't have to wave the white flag! Hallelujah! We are more than conquers through Him who loves us! Rom. 8:37 

 When you wake in the morning, everyday, specifically pray that God will help you to be the parent/spouse/etc. you need to be. Ask God to reveal any "layers" that are getting in-between you and your relationship with God, your child, or your spouse and then pray for the will that it takes to peel them off, layer by layer, until what is left is a renewed spirit, ready to face the challenges that will come your way. 

  I like NLT translation of this verse Matthew 10:39  "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." Apply it how you will, but this scripture speaks to me as a mother. When you become a mother, your life is no longer your own. Sacrifices are made. Some dreams might need to remain dreams so that we can remain focused on the truly pressing matters at hand. My hearts cry is to know 'no greater joy than to know my children are walking in the truth'. There is such a small window of time to impact children that I wouldn't want to miss out on teaching them the purpose of why they were ever loaned to me in the first place. 

Messy Motherhood.

Motherhood. A tool that God uses to break us and then makes us into the woman He desires us to be. There is a message buried deep in all that mess. God will meet you there. Right where you are. When the kids are thriving or when they won't stop crying. Momma who is weary to the bone. Momma who carries a smile on her face and deep burdens on her heart. 
His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He is there to take the weight off, all we have to do is,
 ask.
 seek. 
 find.
 Knock and open up all the blessings that God has bestowed upon you.

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOUL. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7: 7-8

A few scriptures to ponder on this morning.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kind, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.


I love this song by Hillsong. Perfect reminder that no matter what we go through, we need to take heart, because God has overcome!
(don't forget to mute the music playing on my blog. It's located on the right. You may have to scroll down a bit.)

When God speaks to me aka read the Bible!

For the longest time I used to wander how God spoke to people. I always thought that it was the actual sound of a voice. If it didn't come across as a wise and stern man's voice then he must not speak to me. I have come to realize that God can speak to us many ways, through thoughts, impressions and his Holy Word.




I have encountered this many times, and it happened to me again last night.


In my free time, one thing I like to do is watch a few tv shows on netflix. I recently discovered a new, exciting show and have been eager to catch up on it every free minute I can get. It's a pretty addicting show. So lately, I've been running to my room at night after the boys are asleep to watch the latest episode.



Last night was no different. As I hurried to my room to watch the show, I was literally stopped dead in my tracks when these words echoed in my thoughts so profoundly. The Lord said to me "If you ran to the Bible like you ran to your tv shows, your family would be richly blessed". Talk about feeling ashamed! So needless to say, I read my Bible last night instead of watching that show. I thought it was interesting that while reading, I turned to 1 John 5:21. What does this verse say? "Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God's place in your heart." Coincidence? Not hardly. God was not done speaking to me. He wanted to make sure he got his point across loud and clear.



I wanted to share this to urge you to re-examine what your putting first in your life. What are you running to? If you find yourself running to the things of this world to fill your cup, my friend, your cup will soon run dry. But the word of God, it last forever!!




Thy word is lamp to my feet, and light to my path. Psalm 119:105

WILW.

Pinterest. Definitely loving Pinterest.

Here are a few things I have pinned recently that I love.

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss.

We love Dr. Seuss around here. Nathans' Nah-Nah (grandmother) has given him so many Dr. Suess books over the years!

To bad they are still in storage since our last move. :(
He has been missing them, especially this week. At least he has been able to read them at school.

Here are some of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes.
(sorry I'm one of those, can'tchooseafewwhenIlovethemAll,type people.)


“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you’ll move mountains.”
― Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

"Today you are you, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive that is who is youer than you."


Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

“How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”
-Horton Hears a Who!

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

“They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast!”

“For a host, above all, must be kind to his guests.”
― Dr. Seuss, Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose

“Today I shall behave, as if this is the day I will be remembered.”

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”
― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.”
― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

What I love Wednesday

Vintage inspired Valentine cards. I was rather shocked to find these at Walmart!

Sweet corn salsa. You can buy it at Walmart down the salsa isle. If you like spice, and corn, then you won't be disappointed.---Can you tell I made a recent trip to Walmart? :)

LOVED that I found a great book for this season of my life. Only wish I could have found it 8 months ago.

So what do you love?

Bedtime Buddy.

Someone has been sleeping in my bed.
Well, at least last night someone did.
Zayne got thrown off with his sleeping last night, because I couldn't keep him awake past 6:30. So, come midnight last night, he was wide awake. But he was no problem at all! He is such a sweet little guy. He laid there, quietly beside me, snuggled up together on this cold, winter night. To be honest, I wasn't even asleep yet. His sweet little head lay close, touching mine. I could just feel him soaking in the rare treat of sleeping so close, next to mama. We quietly looked at pictures on my phone. Almost all 500 of them.

Moments like this are what it's all about. It's these memories you will look back on and miss. Someday I'll go back and read this post and it will make me smile. I'll close my eye's and remember the sweet warmth of his little body close to mine. I'll (try) and not frown because it's over, but I'll smile because it happened. It's like this, you will never look back and think, "I wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my kids". Soak them in as much as you can. You won't regret it.



I whispered, "Zayne, are you enjoying sleeping with mama tonight?" His soft, tender voice replied, "yes".


"Me too, sweet boy. Me too".

I didn't think to snap a picture of him sleeping, but here is the evidence left behind this morning :)



Thankful for a schedule thrown off course,

On this Monday.

I am just reflecting back on our weekend and feeling so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives!

I love family.

I am thankful for each and every one of you!



The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. ~Lee Iacocca



Photo credit: My Dad

Today.

Highlight of my day

 

was this little guy

 

saying, "I love you Mama".